Coping with the tragic loss of a loved one.
The loss of a loved one may always be difficult to cope with, no matter what the circumstances are. Many different thoughts, feelings and emotions can be aroused in a person, and at times these may cause conflict because not everyone shares the same views as you. Losing a person you love can be difficult, but losing a loved one because of someone else's actions can almost be unbearable. Not only do you have the pain of coping with bereavement, but often there may be court cases and the constant reminders of what happened, when and why. This in itself can seem to take forever and for a while you may be so focused on getting justice, that you may lose the opportunity to heal or to grieve properly. This site is dedicated to anyone who has lost a loved one in tragic circumstances just as I have. It is a place where you can share questions, poems, tears, laughter and most of all memories of your loved one. This is your special cloud, your cloud of memories.Julie x
In memory of Paul Corrigan 1963-2005
The bluest eyes and the cheekiest smile.
This is my partner Paul, isnt he gorgeous!Paul and I were together for just 12 months but we had known each other for around 3 yrs. Paul and I didnt live together and I think it was that factor which kept our relationship fresh.When Paul and I first met, I was blown away by his sense of humour, his brilliant mind but most of all his kindness.Paul had qualities that you dont often see in a person and when we were together we were definitely inseparable.Its true that there are some people who just have a natural presence about them. When they walk into a room you just know they are there before they speak, well Paul was one of those People. His taste in music spoke volumes about his personality and vitality, he was definitely full of beans ha ha.Paul grew up in the same era as me, where punk, mods, rockers and new romantics were at the forefront of the music scene. Paul's musical tastes were; The Clash, The Ramones, The Sex Pistols and The Smiths.Paul was 42 when he died, not so old really. He had just enroled on a course in counselling as that was where he wanted to direct his life, he would have made a fine counsellor because he really understood and had a passion for helping people.We spent our last weekend together as usual, I cooked Sunday lunch and then whilst he was chilling out afterwards, I snook upstairs to look on e bay for an item that I had been bidding on.It was 23rd October 2005 and I was looking for some war memorabilia for Christmas as I knew he would be made up. Paul had a keen interest in anything to do with the 1st and 2nd world war and I wanted him to have something unique and special.As usual he went home around 6.00pm and we text each other as usual.People would joke that we should have shares in BT or O2 as we were constantly texting.On Tuesday the 25th of October we had been in contact as usual, Poland were playing in Manchester, I think it was against United and the metro was packed with fans.I remember having a joke with Paul because a loud bang had happened whilst I was on the metro and I thought something had exploded. It had! a tub of yoghurt in my bag that I had forgotten had exploded with a bang and splashed all over everything.Our texting continued as usual and then at around 9pm the texts stopped.I thought that he may have been charging his phone, but the following day I got news that Paul had died.He had been murdered by the person with whom he was sharing a house.My life fell apart around me when I got this news. The person responsible had already been remanded in custody but the turmoil of what happens next and how do I cope was too much to even contemplate.It took a year to come to court because of all the forensics and investigations that have to be done. The perpetrator also has to have his say.Eventually it did go to court, he was found guilty and received a life sentence, but the strangest thing is... that nothing changed for me.I somehow thought that if he got put away for life, it would make a massive difference to me but it didnt because there was still something significant missing.... Paul.Everyone was fantastic, the police, Paul's family and even work. I could not have wished for more support and then came the counselling.....I attended bereavement counselling but it wasnt quite right, this wasnt just a bereavement, it was a tragedy a shock a complete injustice. The counselling was ok though, but in such cases ok isnt really enough.I found my strength to carry on in many different ways and it's still hard at times.My faith as a Buddhist helped a great deal but equally as important is knowing that if I need to talk, people will listen. I am lucky as my work colleagues have been fantastic and so have my closest friends & Paul's family.I would like to take this opportunity to thank them for their constant support over the past 2yrs and 7 monthsI hope this site brings some comfort for those who have experienced a similar kind of loss.Julie x
